Friday Five: National Football League Lawsuits
Posted: November 16th, 2007
By: Zach Heller
Category: Friday Five, Opinion Corner

We are now officially more than halfway through the football season and the NFL playoffs are starting to take shape.  There has been some incredible action already and it is sure to continue down the stretch.  Here at Lawline.com, we like to take a look at everything from a lawyerly point of view.  In that regard, here is a special Friday Five look at some interesting football related cases.  Enjoy. 

TOP 5 NFL LAWSUITS THAT NEVER HAPPENED

1)      GUS FEROTTE V. THE WALL.  I am sorry to say that I was at this game.  The Giants were on the road taking on the Redskins.  Gus Ferotte was the quarterback in Washington at the time (don’t ask me why), and he miraculously found the endzone on a short scramble to the outside.  But somehow, he didn’t know it was time to stop running and he gave the back wall a head butt.  And this act of stupidity sidelined him for the rest of the game and the next couple of weeks with a pinched nerve.  Now that I think about it, a better lawsuit would have been the fans vs. the players in this game, which featured a 7-7 tie and the NFL record for most punts.

2)      BILL GRAMATICA V. GRAVITY.  One half of the Gramatica brothers is a kicker, the other half was a kicker.  Bill was famed for jumping up in the air like an idiot to celebrate every field goal try that went successfully through the posts.  And most of the time it was how stupid he looked that would draw attention.  But one infamous day, his landing did not go as planned and he tore his ACL, sidelining him for the rest of the season and basically costing him his career in the NFL.  Oops.

3)      JOE THEISMAN V. LAWRENCE TAYLOR.  This one is difficult to talk about because it makes me think about the brutal image of Theisman’s leg being snapped in half when LT landed on it.  And even though it ended Joe’s career, I think it is more important for this one to be settled out of court.  Just for the simple reason that an entire court room would have to watch video evidence of that play over and over again.  Besides, LT has been in enough legal trouble over the years.

4)      LEON LETT V. DON BEEBE.  This case is a little more serious than the others.  The charge here is Grand Theft Pigskin.  When Don Bebee miraculously caught Leon Lett and knocked the ball away as he was dancing his way into the endzone, he stole the football, a touchdown, Leon’s dignity and his manhood.  Nobody (besides Bill Gramatica) has ever looked so stupid on a football field.  And this one was in a Super Bowl, so practically the entire country saw it.  Though I do feel bad, many defensive linemen never get a chance to score a touchdown.  So, it’s tough to say better luck next time.

5)    **  ’72 DOLPHINS V. ’07 PATRIOTS.  I put an asterisk next to this one because it is based on future events turning out as I predict.  The Patriots will most likely go undefeated this year, making only the second time in the history of the league that a team has done that.  And if I am not mistaken, the 1972 Miami Dolphins trademarked 17-0.  So I smell an infringement case brewing.

Since this was a fictional look at some lawsuits that did not, and could not happen, we realize we had to leave out some real law related issues surrounding football.  We apologize to Mike Vick, Pacman Jones, Orlando Brown (the guy who got blinded by a penalty flag thrown in his eye), and everyone being investigated for steroids.  Hopefully they are not too upset about not making the list.  Game on!

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